I was right... and I'm STILL the one who's gonna pay for it.

I'm so damned irritated. Now, there may be some foul language in this post, so if you have virgin ears (or eyes), close this window.

I am a well read woman. I do research as deeply as possible when it comes to my health, and that of my family's. I knew that when the time came, we'd be doing a bit of crying it out. It hurt like a sonofabitch, but in my heart, it was the right thing to do. Now, before my mother moved in with us, we didn't do a TON of it, but enough that they'd go down for naps, or go back to sleep if we went in during the night with a bottle.

After Mom moved in, my world exploded in many, many different ways. Jon received orders to Afghanistan, the twins began sleeping through the night fairly regularly, I made the momentous decision to go through with gastric bypass... it was a lot to take in! However, at some point, the twins began to pick up on all the changes and tension. They began refusing to go to sleep at night. Crying it out became an hour long process. My mother CONSTANTLY interfered, busting into their bedroom with bottles, picking them up, yelling and crying at us, etc. It was absolutely HORRIFIC. The twins recognized that she'd give in, and began pouring it on full force. I've never been so frustrated!

Not long after my surgery and their first birthday, Jon left. Great. Now I HAD to depend on her for help, and help is all she gave the twins... NOT ME. Long story short (too late), they've gone from waking once a night, MAYBE, to refusing to sleep in their room at all. Now wait... before you go off half cocked giving me advice as though I've not attempted everything under the sun, you should know I resorted to melatonin. Last night, and tonight.

Last night, Teddy slept til midnight, and Rudy til 5:45.

Tonight, they haven't been to sleep yet. Apparently, melatonin is a $7 joke to my children. I finally gave Rudy to my mother, and Cody is playing with Teddy right now so I can take a few minutes to calm down. When my mother came in to see what all the crying was about, I lost it... but only a little. I said, "THIS is what I've spent MONTHS trying to make you understand. THIS is what I've been trying to avoid for THEM." She sighed and said, "What do we do now?" I shook my head and answered, "Either go on as we are, or they're going to have to cry for HOURS, over the course of several nights, maybe even a couple of weeks. I'm sorry, but I can't take THAT much crying it out. This damage is done." She took Rudy, silently, and left.

I can't sleep at night, I don't get much rest during the day, I have obligations to my 15 year old that I don't feel is fair to put on the back burner because I need a nap, and my mother is always complaining that she is tired. I'm sure she is, but *I* am the one in the house that does the bills, the driving, and the errands. I handle the household and family situations, and I'm expected to do it all with a fucking smile on my face.

Bullshit.

I'm tired and pissed, and if anyone in this house wants a piece of me, let's dance.